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9 Reasons Why Men Lose Interest & What You Can Do About It

One man’s account of his disappearances

Ali Victor Binazir, MD, MPhil
21 min readMar 22, 2016

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Here’s a most excellent letter about a question that every woman has asked at some point:

“Why is it that a guy fiercely pursues a woman at first, and then when he finds out she is actually interested he is not so sure if he is interested anymore? And then his interest wanes and he starts treating her like an option instead of a priority? When can you let a guy know you are interested! At what stage? Is dating just one big game? How do you get a guy to treat you like priority instead of an option? For background, I’m 29, live in Australia, and I’ve been on 5 dates with this guy so far but we haven’t kissed yet.” — Sheila

Well well. This one has been posed by women since time immemorial. There he was, totally interested, looking dapper in his buffalo skin while nonchalantly swinging his club at the cave entrance, offering you some freshly killed mastodon meat. There he was, showing up outside your castle window every day in his mostly shiny but frankly also a little rusty armor, strumming his lute and warbling his troubadour songs. There he was at the opera house, his head low and eyes up giving him that simultaneously worshipful and conspiratorial look, passing you a note saying, “Meet me at the fountain when the clock tower strikes nine.” There he was, texting you right back when you texted him, even asking you out on actual grown-up dates to actual grown-up places like concerts and lectures, and then… poof.

What is up with that?! Why do men lose interest? What, if anything, could you have done differently?

Now, I don’t know exactly what was going on in your particular situation, Sheila, since I wasn’t there. However, I do know that I have been that man many, many times. Heck, I’m probably losing interest in someone right now, completely unbeknownst to myself but setting the mind of the poor lass on fire, and not necessarily in a good way.

One saving grace is that most people, male or female, usually aren’t doing this stuff deliberately. It’s more accurate to attribute this kind of behavior to cluelessness rather than malice, which also makes it easier on you. In the meantime, it still sucks to be on the receiving end. So let’s go…

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Ali Victor Binazir, MD, MPhil
Ali Victor Binazir, MD, MPhil

Written by Ali Victor Binazir, MD, MPhil

Happiness Engineer bringing you the best science & wisdom for a happier, healthier life. Author, “Tao of Dating”, "5 Hidden Love Questions". And book recs!

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